I JUST WANNA RUN AWAY HAVE A RELEASE

Malam ni study EIA ditemani dengan perasaan yang tak certain daripada semalam lagi..

tak tahulah kenapa distraction ni terlalu kuat.. mungkin saja syaitan telah melakukan kerjanya

dan telah berjaya sikit-sikit menggoyahkan keyakinan aku yang tak pernah nak yakin ni.

Well... apart of all, now im thinking of running away from all of these problem?

why should I have to struggle alone to make sure that everything is okay?

and nobody cares at all, they just know how to ask, yell, shout and order like I am the idiot one.

I am tired of this, please.. I am not as dumb as all of you thought it was, I have a strong concrete head that will never break with your accusation. and I have a tiger inner voice that always whispering not to be bullied again!

What if running away? I would love to run now... my head is heavy and i'm sinking in the situation where I have to pretend to be strong, in fact, I don't have courage at all.. dpoing this alone, oh the feel is just shit!

Rasanya mungkin semua orang akan puas hati dan berhenti buat semua ni kalau aku mati.

atau aku pergi ke tempat lain dan hilang dari semua orang... honestly, aku dah start rasa bosan dan meluat dan menyampah dan penat dengan semua ni..

aku buat semua ni macam terpaksa atas sebab ape pun aku tak pasti, dan aku lakukannya out of courage. aku penat lah paksa perasaan aku... inilah perasaan yang sama aku rasa masa mak sakit.. akhirnya ia berakhir dengan tragis sekali.

Aku bukan nak mulakan perasaan putus asa aku tu, atau sikap rebellious aku yang aku sendiri tau memang outrageous sangat. Tolong jangan paksa aku buat sekali dan sekali lagi... aku tak sanggup tengok kemusnahan yang berlaku akibat tu.

Tapi manusia2 sekeliling kita ni memang jahat dan mereka ni mementing kan diri. mereka bukanlah orang yang sayangkan kita, tetapi mereka hanyalah orang yang ambil manfaat daripada kita dan tak pernah pedulikan ape perasaan dan keadaan kita sebenarnya. 

" when you lose the one you wanted Cause you taking her for granted, and everything you had got destroyed" 

Dont make me take this wrong turn, even I know it was wrong but it seems like everyone is asking me to do so. My life was never perfect, it is not hard for me to taste it all over again.. to face the pain, cruel and heartless world,  one more time, I think I will be more endure this time. I am not asking for it but incase I have to go thru it again, I think I am okay, and I dont care anymore. I dont have anybody to be concerned for, I live with myself, just myself alone. I dont have to care about anything. 

Everybody has got their own living, their own home and shelter, their own companion and friend and I am needed by no one. I am just hate being fooled by all people around me. They pretend like they love me but they actually not.